Dear Professor Blackstone,
I hope this email finds you well.
I wanted to thank you for using this assignment as an
opportunity for me to formally introduce myself to you. My name is Emmanuel
Jonathan Yap, and I am first year student from mechanical engineering in
Singapore Institute of Technology. My education path is described as a long but
fruitful journey as I studied in the Institute of Technical education (ITE) to
attain a Higher Nitec certificate in mechatronics engineering. My results were
optimal enough for me to enter Nanyang Polytechnic where I attained a Diploma
in Mechatronics and Robotics engineering.
As I write this letter to you an epiphany hits me as I
realized that I have finally made it to university. In this arduous academic journey,
one valuable lesson I have learnt is the process of endurance is as important
as reaching the destination. What has kept me going is my relentless passion
for engineering and its applications for a better future.
I was formally an army engineer in the Singapore Armed
Forces for 5 years. During my tenure I was an expert in the maintenance of the
suite of combat wheeled vehicles that the army had ranging from Infantry
Carrier Vehicles and Protected Armored Vehicles ensuring their sustainability
in peace, reliability in operations.
Making the bold decision to leave the army to pursue
further studies has taught me that the regimental and conscripted culture that
defines the military would not be as applicable in university. Critical
thinking and change are what a university would encourages but it also may be
seen as insubordination to superiors in the context of the army.
My friends and superiors describe me as an outgoing,
well-spoken and approachable person. I often get invited to be an Emcee for
various voluntary events and selected as a groom of honor to give a wedding speech
to newly wedded couples. One weakness that I hope to address is to expand my
vocabulary list to articulate right words to bring a message across more
effectively. In your module I hope learn how I could keep my letters and
speeches to be concise and precise. During presentations I hope to enhance my
presentation skills in public speaking in reducing the use of pause fillers and
to speak the right words for effective communication.
Aside from work and academia,
I have a few notable hobbies,
In fitness I do a lot of running and high intensity
exercises to keep myself fit and my mind sharpen. My fitness has allowed me to
score a gold standard in military fitness assessment 6 years in a row. I am
also competent in building Unmanned Arieal Vehicles (UAV) and flying them. I am proud of this hobby as I have managed to
earn some profits by being a drone flight instructor in teaching WSQ courses in
UAV systems. While I may not have a strong foundation in engineering math yet,
I am someone who has the hands-on skills to integrate various engineering
technology to be put into application. I am just missing the technical writing
skills that completes me as a full fletch engineer. I know I will do well under your mentorship,
Professor.
Best regards
Emmanuel Jonathan Yap.
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ReplyDeleteHi Emmanuel! Overall, your letter provides a strong introduction to your background, work experience, and aspirations. The letter starts by thanking the professor for the opportunity to introduce yourself, which sets a positive and respectful tone. Good job!
ReplyDeleteYour letter has been an enjoyable read as it showcase your unique journey and different experiences leading yourself to SIT. Your acknowledgment of areas which you can improve on such as vocabulary expansion and presentation shows self-awareness and a motivation to personal growth.
ReplyDeleteDear Emmanuel,
ReplyDeleteThanks very much for this comprehensively detailed and entertaining letter. You address all the key points of the assignment and elaborate with a certain gusto and bravado. One example would be the way you explain your realization that, yes, here you are, in the engineering programme at SIT, while you diligently trace the many steps it took to reach this point. I like the phrase you use, "...the process of endurance is as important as reaching the destination," as you highlight your journey.
The bit about your comm skills is also fascinating as you share how your army stint was so professionally enriching for you. It is interesting to learn, for example, about your many responsibilities in the army and how critical thinking and communication played a major role. I found the statement about how an army person might risk "insubordination" by critically thinking especially thought-provoking given the nature of Singapore society and the multitude of workplaces at large.
There are a few areas of this letter that can be improved. For instance, it clocks in at well over 500 words, so you could revise it in terms of length since the assignment states 300 words (give or take 10%) and conciseness is a virtue.
Still, I applaud your effort here and look forward to getting to know you more in the module.
Best wishes,
Brad
Good morning Professor, thank you for the well detailed feedback. I will edit the post to shorten it to be better concised.
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